Life is only fair

We often find ourselves in untoward situations and the first question that crosses the mind in times like these is ‘Why did this happen to me’.  Surely I haven’t done sinful deeds in this lifetime to deserve this kind of suffering. And this chain of thought leads to utter despair and helplessness with the conclusion that life is unfair. God is unfair and we blame him for all the suffering in our lives saying it is God’s will. And then we wait for him to set things right often bribing him with a box full of sweets or some cash rich prize. But is he the one really responsible for the misfortunes in our life? Or are we overlooking an important point here. God or the universal creator is a parent with unconditional love. It baffles my mind to think that a parent would inflict his/her child with pain and suffering. Surely this can’t be true which means there is a different science governing life.

Yes I call it science because it works with absolute precision in all our lives. This science or law works equally in all our lives. This is the science/law of karma – what you sow, so shall you reap. Surely this is not something new that you hear but the truth in the saying is often taken a tad too casually. We are the creators of our destiny. The actions of our past life determine the present. While there is little control over the past the present and future is very much within our control. The way we choose to respond to a present situation determines the ‘present’ in our lives and simultaneously becomes a cause for the future as well. There has to be a more proactive way of leading life where we are in total control of the choices and decisions we make from moment to moment.

However the first hurdle that comes our way is acceptance of the fact that we are responsible for our present circumstance. It is difficult to believe that we did something in the past the effects of which manifest in the present. The easier thing to do is to completely debunk the theory of a past existence and blame God for everything in the present. An example will perhaps elucidate the point I am trying to make. Take for instance the life of the five terrorists who created so much havoc in the Mumbai attacks in 2008. Their deeds affected the lives of thousands of people and caused so much pain and suffering to them. In the process 4 of them were shot dead themselves and one was hanged recently. Do u think that is a fitting end to their heinous crimes? Should death bring closure to their deeds and let them get away with so little? While that seems the obvious their karmic account however cannot be settled so easily. They will have to pay a price for what they did and isn’t that only fair? The new circumstances in which they are born will be determined by their past. For all you know one could be born as a crippled and decrepit being. But being unaware of his past deeds he would pity himself as much as arouse pity from those around. But the fact remains that his state is a matter of his own doing.

While this sounds a bit harsh, grasping this truth puts back the power to create our own destiny in our hands. Living in the present is the key. Choose your responses from this moment on. Don’t get swayed by the circumstances and what other people say or do. And when this becomes a way of life you will discover that life is only more than fair to you and to others as well.

Creating the perfect Symphony

“We often use the expression, “strike a chord in one’s heart.” The heart is like an instrument. It is the richness of the heart that determines the richness of our life experiences. Given the same circumstances, a person with a single-stringed heart might only produce and experience a monotonous music of life, while a person with a hundred-stringed heart can create and enjoy an immensely rich and deep symphony of life.” – Dr. Daisaku Ikeda

I was moved by the truth in these lines and began to enjoy my life that much more once I focused on creating the ‘hundred-stringed heart’. As a result, I am richer with a huge circle of friends I have been able to strike a chord with. We often wait for another to strike a chord in our heart. While it is impossible to create the symphony all alone, it isn’t required to wait for another to initiate it either. Pull the right chords within your heart and hear the music reverberate out into the universe. That will in turn attract what will eventually lead to the perfect symphony in your life. It boils down to the strength of the signals you send out into the universe. The greater and richer they are, the greater the frequency returned.

It is only when we focus on cultivating the inner richness of our heart that life becomes truly purposeful and full of joy. There is newness to living life this way. I say this because ‘focus on the self’ gives us a refreshing perspective to address troublesome situations. Blame and anger directed at the outside world is futile at the end of the day. It doesn’t change anything.

Focus on self improvement on the other hand is the surest path to happiness. As we build the treasures of the heart, turning anger to compassion, hatred to love and fear into courage…these very treasures become the foundation for leading a life full of rich experiences. And these are the very virtues that help us strike the perfect chord. Fine tune your heart and mind to do that and enjoy the ripple effect – a richer life experience enjoyed with an increased circle of friends; because interaction with others is what creates the perfect symphony.

From Inner Peace to World Peace

(The title of this blog is borrowed from Mr. Kawada’s lecture series for want of being able to come up with a more appropriate one.)

“To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must cultivate our personal life; and to cultivate our personal life, we must first set our hearts right.” - Confucius

More than ever the human desire is turning towards peace and happiness and harmonious coexistence with fellow humans. And these are some of the current solutions floating in the minds of people to achieve everlasting peace - Hang Ajmal Kasabs and Afzal Gurus, Gun Down all the terrorists living on the face of the earth; bomb the militant outfits springing in different parts of the world. Ban the use of weapons, arms and ammunitions, nuclear bombs. Arrange a dialogue between the nation heads which most often prove futile; Any more ideas that you can come up with?

To my mind none of these mentioned above is a plausible solution to achieving world peace. It is far more complex and deep rooted than these simplistic ones. It requires an ideological change and a fundamental reform in the human heart because that is where the seed of hatred and war originates. Only when we are at peace with ourselves and one another, can we inch closer to the dream of creating a peaceful world. Therefore inner peace is the roadmap to achieving world peace.

To begin with, the whole idea of ‘World Peace’ sounds a distant dream, elusive and unattainable.  So it would be helpful to narrow it down to something more achievable and realistic.  Let’s look at it this way –  world peace begins at home. If each one of us makes efforts to create peace and happiness at home and then extend it to our neighborhoods, through ripple effect we will have many more happy households and soon a happier world.

Even in order to create a peaceful environment at home, we first need to be happy and peaceful within. That inner joy will radiate outward and create an amicable environment. On the contrary, if we ourselves feel gloomy and unhappy within then there is very little that we can do to enliven the environment around us.

It is natural to encounter people in our environment with whom we will have differences of opinion. But it is respect for another human life transcending and rising above any differences that will help us look beyond the differences. We need to base our actions on this fundamental principle of respect for the other person. And yet this simple act of respecting another human life is the most difficult problem before humanity.

And till we have inculcated this as a habit in our daily lives, a peaceful world will remain merely but a wish.

Kindness pays back

Our present circumstances are by no means accidental. As the Buddhist sage Nichiren Daishonin wrote, quoting a sutra: ‘If you want to understand the causes that existed in the past, look at the results as they are manifested in the present. And if you want to understand what results will be manifested in the future, look at the causes that exist in the present.’

I have been immensely encouraged and motivated by these words to pursue the path of goodness even amidst unpleasant situations. The urge to give up has crept in every now and then but these lines have served as a constant reminder to persevere and not give up.  What the above lines try to convey is very simple – that our present is a result of the causes made in the past and that our future is determined by our actions or the causes we create through our thoughts, words and actions in the present.  While I have little control over my past actions, the future is very much in my control. This is an absolutely delightful and empowering thought for me. So for the sake of a brighter future, I have to be cautious about the causes I create in my present existence.

This simple awareness has been a deterrent to many negative causes that I could have created along the way. Not only does a good cause made in the present have a positive effect in the future but the effect is manifested right here and now. We all know deep within our hearts when we go wrong. When we are able to suppress that urge to do wrong and convert it to a positive cause, the feeling is one of tremendous joy. So the present becomes happy and is a bonus for the future too so a win-win situation in all cases.

This is not to say in the least that I have never faltered but the magnitude has definitely reduced with this understanding. While we have little control over the reaction of others, our responses are very much our own choice. So the key really is changing ‘oneself’ and not waiting for others to change.  Sometimes people are unreasonable, mean and rude for no reason. And to be kind to them in return is probably the most difficult thing under the sun. It is easier to ‘give it back to them’.  Having tried and tested both, I realize the first option is the better of the two. This is not the conventional route, so don’t fall into the trap of viewing it as a sign of weakness because being good to someone who is hurting you is actually a sign of tremendous strength. To choose to remain calm while someone else is instigating to bring out the devil in you is a sign of victory and the immediate benefit one derives is a sense of triumph over ones weaker self.

It is definitely a difficult task to persevere in the act of kindness to others but I am totally convinced that kindness pays back in our lives in a way greater than we imagined. It is just a matter of when. So I will strive to be patient until then and continue my acts of kindness towards others with complete sincerity in my heart. Will you?

The Two Worlds

We suffer more in imagination than in reality - I happened to read this profound statement somewhere on Facebook and it instantly triggered a thought process in my head. The above line is true because sometimes the cause of our suffering lies solely in our mind. We imagine our problems to be bigger than they actually are causing much distress to ourselves. If we were to replace ‘suffer’ with the word ‘live’ in the opening sentence, then that holds true as well because sometimes we live more freely in our imagination than in the real world. The point is that all of us live in these two worlds – the real and the imaginary and we keep moving from one to another with effortless ease.

The real world is the physical space and the actual events and circumstances that transpire in our life. The imaginary world is the magical world that we create inside our head. It is our thoughts that spin around to create this magical web. It is the creative space. So depending on the quality of our thoughts we can be happy or stressed in this imaginary space.  And that after all is what influences the real world.

I call the imaginary space the magical world because here we are free to dream the forbidden, the less thought of and be true in the expression of our feelings. The imagination is far more powerful and dangerous than we think.  It allows access to things not permitted in the real world. But also allows us to shed inhibitions and discover our true selves.  Not always does the imaginary turn into real but that is where the ‘magic’ lies – in just experiencing things in our physical being. And the best part is that no one can take away this experience from us. So turn around your imagination into your creative playfield and use it a lot more than you already do and you will discover that the ‘magic’ I talk about follows silently but surely.

Human Flowers

Sunflowers bloom into beautiful and bright flowers as the first ray of sunlight falls on their closed bud. Bright, cheerful and soothing, they instantly give pleasure to the eyes that see this wonder.  Humans are just like flowers. Sometimes we choose to live our lives closed up in the little shell of the self. We lock ourselves in a world of our own and ignore the ‘knocks knocks’ that come by on the door to our hearts every now and then. We think that shutting out the world from us means putting an end to all the problems and worries that come as part of being in it. Yet they continue to haunt, even more perhaps. Can there be any joy in this kind of lonely existence?

President Ikeda, a prolific peace activist says “There is no true joy in a life lived closed up in the little shell of the self. When you take one step to reach out to people, when you meet with others and share their thoughts and sufferings, infinite compassion and wisdom well up within your heart. Your life is transformed.”

Have you experienced this transformation in your life? My own experience allows me to substantiate president Ikeda’s viewpoint. From a closed bud I have flowered into a happier, confident and joyful person. The reason for this? - My circle of friends has grown dramatically in the last few years. I have begun to enjoy human interaction, something I shied away from for a good part of my life. This has led to my individual growth as well.

I have learnt that it is only through our interaction with others that we can bloom to our fullest potential. Like flowers, we derive nourishment for the soul, heart, mind and body from all that is around us and fellow humans are an integral part of it. Just as the spring sunshine warms the frozen earth back to life, so vibrant dialogue fills people’s lives with fresh energy and nurtures the flowering of human potential. No matter what position or where we belong. The human heart desires soulful conversation to keep it alive. Keep the door to your heart open and allow people to walk in and help you discover things about yourself. And give to others the same joy. It is only through this two way exchange that we will be able to work towards the flowering of all of humanity.

A new beginning

I’ve been seeing her at the park for almost 2 years now. Just like the other days, we smiled at each other as our paths crossed on the newly refurbished walking track. It didn’t end there. She paused for a moment, took out the earphones carefully tucked in her ears and said something (which I cannot recall). Our conversation thereafter lasted almost an hour in which time we shared many aspects of our lives. One of the things that I brought up in our conversation was my practice of Buddhism.  She listened with keen interest and curiosity. Even so, not wanting to sound too assertive I decided to cut short my discussion on the subject.

I turned the conversation around to children and asked if she had any. To which she said that she has a teenage son, who is autistic and incidentally his name is Siddhartha. She said that with a twinkle in her eye sensing my keen interest in Buddhism. (Siddhartha was the name of Gautam Buddha, the founder of Buddhism.) A day of coincidences or what I thought to myself. She continued that I must have seen him around. He usually rides the bicycle in the evening. I paused and thought for a moment – “Oh yes, offcourse I’ve seen him. He resembles you quite a bit.” I paused again and then blurted out “But he doesn’t look autistic.” almost ashamed at myself for saying that. She smiled back politely and said “You will know once you begin to talk to him. That is why he doesn’t have friends.” My heart ached to hear that. I could feel her agony and pain even though she said it in a casual manner. Silent I wondered why we were so insensitive.

I decided to resume my discussion on Buddhism at this point. I told her how she could overcome this agony and help Siddhartha live a fulfilling life through faith. She interrupted, “So what you are saying is that he will be cured if he practices Buddhism? That is almost impossible. He is born with this.” I explained patiently that while I couldn’t guarantee that he would be fully cured, what I am convinced about is that he will be able to lead a happy and fulfilling life in spite of his limitations. That he would grow into a beautiful human being and have his circle of friends. That he neither be ashamed of it because he has his own unique mission in life. She nodded in agreement and remarked “That is what is important.”  I could see her face light up; sparks of hope arise in her. And then she asked – “So what exactly do you do?” To begin with, I told her about the chant that we recite and recorded it for her in her mobile. She promised to give it a try.

This was on New Year’s eve. We asked about each others plans for the evening which didn’t turn out to be much. It was already dark by now. We sat silently for a few minutes. Siddhartha passed by on his bicycle ringing the bell to draw our attention. His mother briefly introduced us and he turned around to wave at me. I waved and smiled back at him. I had made a new friend. Silence returned and I gestured to make a move. She looked at me and said “we have met for a reason today. The past year has been very difficult for me. I hope the new year is better. I am going to start it on a fresh note.” I smiled and reassured her that it would be a good year.

As I walked back home the words ‘met for a reason’ rung loud and clear in my ears. The reason and purpose will gradually unfold in successive years but for now I pray that the New Year is a new beginning in their lives; that my little friend Siddhartha finds many friends and becomes truly happy in life. This is the prayer that I nurture in my heart and wish to be fulfilled in the coming year. 

Well done

A pat on the back for a task well done is always reassuring. Sincere and warm words of appreciation go a long way in boosting someone’s self confidence. On the other hand, reprimanding and scathing words have just the opposite effect. I am sure most of you will agree with me on this.

I have been fortunate to come across more people who belong to the former category than the latter. It is because of their encouragement and appreciation that I have been able to bring out the best in me. Discover some of my hidden talents and polish them further. They have inspired me to perform better and work harder. Having felt its power, ‘Appreciation’ is something that comes more easily to me and from the heart. And yes, it works wonders.

I am not saying that we must resolve to flattery. There is a difference between sincere appreciation/ encouragement and flattery. Something to the effect – ‘This is good, but can be better.’ is more encouraging than saying ‘What you have done is pathetic.’ It is simply the choice of words that make all the difference. Only something close to the first option can inspire someone to perform better.

There are few people who are willing to give that first chance; who allow us to make mistakes and learn from them.  Others are impatient and expect us to nail it at the very first attempt. But what we all forget is that we all began somewhere. For all of us there was a day of ‘firsts’ – first step, first day at school, first job interview, first pay check, first blunder…and behind it someone who gave us that first chance. Once we’ve crossed this stage and gone higher up the rung we look down on those still taking the first step.  And the first thing we forget is the ‘art of appreciation’. It happens to all of us. But the important thing is to realise and rectify. It is better to help those at the initial stages and raise capable people and a tip for that is, well yes….Appreciation.  

Prayer is not magic

My eyes shut tight, hands joined in prayer and begging to an external being for a desire in my heart to be urgently fulfilled - This is what prayer meant to me for a major part of my life. It was an attitude of resignation where I had to wait for an external being to help me out of a certain situation.  It made me feel helpless and hopeless at times. It is only in recent years, six to be precise that my understanding of prayer and its power has changed – Prayer isn’t so simplistic and certainly not magic!

Even with my new understanding, prayer still stems from a desire- to be happy.  Initially the desire was more for materialistic things. Now the focus is more on cultivating the inner richness and purity of heart; on self empowerment. I no longer pray to an external being to land me everything I desire in my lap. In fact I have stopped wanting easy solutions because when things come the hard way they bring an opportunity for self transformation in disguise.

Every time I sit down to chant Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo, I am filled with determination to work for my desires to be fulfilled. I feel more in control of my life/destiny. After my chanting session, that I religiously conduct every morning and evening, I feel refreshed, rejuvenated, happy and most importantly positive. A renewed life force wells forth from within and I am ready to give all it takes to realise my dream. It is not like the challenges before me disappear miraculously after I chant. Neither does some external being arrive to wave a magic wand and take away my problems. Prayer changes my determination and attitude. And once that changes, you are bound to experience the inconceivable.

A prolific peace activist Dr. Daisaku Ikeda says – “When your determination changes, everything will begin to move in the direction you desire. The moment you resolve to be victorious, every nerve and fiber in your being will immediately orient itself toward your success. On the other hand, if you think, “This is never going to work out,” then at that instant every cell in your being will be deflated and give up the fight.”
Are you facing a deadlock in your life? Are you stuck and don’t know which way to go? Just check and renew your determination and let the magic unfold in your life.
P.S – Prayer for me is chanting Nam-myoho-renge kyo. It could be something else for you – chanting Gayatri mantra, Hanuman chalisa, Quran, Bible. Irrespective of what you chant, the most important thing is your attitude in prayer. Is it the defeatist approach or infused with determination? That I believe is the more important question.

Never give up!

“Hope is the well spring of life force. The death of hope is the death of the spirit. Nothing in this world is as strong as hope and a sense of mission.”- Dr. Daisaku Ikeda

What would you expect from a man who is wheel chair bound – cannot stand and moves his hands rather fingers with great difficulty? Certainly not to find him on Kaun Bangega Crorepati and winning 12 lacs fifty thousand with considerable ease because this is a dream one in a million like him, would dare to dream and achieve. Those of you who saw the episode will know that the man I am talking about is the young Yusuf Mallu. For the duration that he sat on the ‘hot seat’ opposite Mr. Bacchan, I too sat at the edge of my seat with gritted teeth marvelling at his irresistible passion and unbeatable spirit for life. He played with great confidence, keeping his calm. While I watched him, there is one thought which stayed predominant on my mind – as long as the human spirit is not defeated, nothing can stop us from achieving our dream. No setback, no tragedy, no handicap - Nothing at all. As long as we carry hope in our hearts, all is well.

And then two days later, I chanced upon the account of this man who lost all that he had taken years to build, in the March 2011 earthquake and tsunami that struck Japan. His story is heart wrenching and as follows – Mr. Kurosawa, a plumber by profession had a spate of consecutive job failures  before he finally managed to set up his own enterprise in May 2005. Shortly thereafter he renovated his house and built an impressive house-cum-showroom. After years of struggle he had just about begun to enjoy the fruit of his hard labour when the tsunami struck and washed away his house right before his eye, while he clung to the branch of a pine tree to save his life. How very difficult and painful it must have been for him and many others who go through similar circumstances. But such is life, difficult to foresee what even tomorrow holds for us.

What would you expect him to do under the given circumstances? - Lament endlessly over his misfortune? Far from it, this man wasted not a single moment in self-pity and lamentation. From the rubble that his house had been reduced to, he pulled out two things – one was a piece of scrap wood which he turned into a signboard that read ‘Gambaro! Ishinomaki!’ (Which means Don’t give up, Ishinomaki).These big, bold letters transfixed everyone who passed by and gave many a glimmer of hope and courage. This was also an expression of his feeling of wanting not to be defeated. The other thing he pulled out was his broken case of plumbing tools, which had the drilling machine intact albeit covered in mud.  Armed with the tool, he felt the sun of hope rise in his heart and two weeks after the tragic incident, Mr Kurosawa had his hands full with plumbing jobs in order to rebuild the devastated land.

I was inspired as I read his story. It reaffirmed to me the power of the human spirit – that as long as we decide not to give up the battle is not over. Nothing is lost. The only way to win is to stay undefeated no matter what happens; undefeated in the face of small or big adversities.

Priceless Jewel

Let me share a Buddhist parable (from the Lotus Sutra) with you   – There was once a man who visited the home of a close friend. He was entertained until he became quite drunk and fell asleep. While he was sleeping, his friend took a jewel of the highest imaginable value and sewed it into the lining of the guest’s robe, hoping to protect him from a life of want or worry.

The guest then set off for other parts. He fell on hard times and became so desperately poor that he was often forced to go hungry. Throughout this time, he remained completely unaware of the priceless jewel sewn inside his robe. It was in this state of extreme poverty that the man again encountered his friend. The friend informed him of the precious jewel affixed to his garment. Naturally, once the man learned of the jewel’s existence, he could become happy.

I was fascinated when I read this story and itched with the desire to share it with you. There is an important lesson to take away from it – The ‘precious jewel’ is an allegory for the state of ultimate happiness which exists in the heart of each one of us. But just like the man in the story, we are unaware of its existence in the depth of our own being. We need someone/something else to point it out for us.  And this is where faith/religion steps in. If despite having taken faith you fail to understand this and remain submerged in sadness, you are just like the man in the parable. 

I know some of you will find it difficult to believe that this state of ultimate happiness exists in each one’s heart. The creator is impartial and has given each one of us that precious jewel. It is just that some of us are aware of it while others are still ignorant about the fact. Some of us strive to polish that jewel each day; while some of us haven’t begun the process yet. But the sooner we start, the more we stand to gain. For then the ‘precious jewel’ fulfils every demand, every wish that we carry in our hearts.  Don’t believe me? – Experiment it for yourself.

Power of One

 “A great human revolution in just a single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a nation and, further, will enable a change in the destiny of all humankind.” – Dr. Daisaku Ikeda

“You must be the change you want to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Here are two powerful thoughts, coming from two different individuals (One Japanese the other Indian), converging on the same idea - the power of ‘one’ individual to effect change in society; the fact that when one person changes and decides to stand up then the impossible can be achieved; Change happens when one individual rises with great determination and others follow. Change begins with each one of us.

This isn’t a new idea I introduce to you. We have all heard this before and yet interestingly very few of us actually believe in the power of one individual; Least of all in our own power and ability to bring about change. We lack the conviction to believe that any of us, ordinary human beings can make a difference to society. We feel too small and insignificant to achieve anything worthwhile. And yet history is fraught with examples of one individual rising with courage and making a huge difference. What we do not realise is that ‘one’ individual can be you or me. Yes any of us – the common man. Even if we do realise this we wait for others to change and then think of changing ourselves. That doesn’t work. It is certainly the other way round - when we change; things around us begin to change too.

The two names I mentioned above are people who did exactly that. They were ordinary people like us who went on to achieve the extraordinary. They faced their share of struggle but turned every obstacle into opportunity for growth. And not only did they do it for themselves, but worked to uplift a whole cross-section of society. They imparted hope and courage to countless individuals. What really sets them apart from us? One word answer – their determination to change things.

If they could do it, then surely any of us can do it too. Like I said, what we need is single minded determination and the desire to take up responsibility. Why leave it up to others when indeed each one of us can contribute in our own unique ways – Taking the example of the most pressing issue making headlines every other day – Anna Hazare’s fast to get a green signal for the Jan Lokpal Bill. While I am not totally convinced by his methodology for doing this (I do not want to get into the reasons for it here) I do support him in the sense that he has drawn attention to an important issue and placed it on the table for discussion. I do give the man credit for doing that. But I still have my concern - Even if the Jan Lokpal Bill is cleared things will certainly not change unless each one of us resolves to end corruption at whatever level we might be practising it. Only then will we have a corruption free society. This is just one example where each one of us can make a difference.

The list is huge – if each one of us stops littering the streets, we will be living in a cleaner and greener country. If we stop wasting water, it will definitely quench the thirst of many others. (Ditto with food) If we save electricity, it will light up the homes of others who are still waiting for a bulb to illuminate their homes. These are areas each one of us can contribute towards. All it needs is a little thoughtfulness towards those who are deprived of the things we take for granted.

It is high time we stop passing the buck, blaming the government and everyone else for all the chaos we see around us today. We need to change ourselves and then awaken each individual to the power and potential inherent within their lives. This can be the only solution towards a better, happier and peaceful world. The power of one will then ultimately encompass the power of many.

Sharing Joy and Sorrow

Over my years of existence, I have observed a certain trait in human behaviour – that we are all quick to divulge details about all the ‘good’ things happening in our lives; the latest gadget we have bought, or the loving relationship with spouse or the handsome salary package and so on and so forth. But it isn’t the same with all the ‘bad’ things that happen to us. Or let’s say those that make us miserable and bring on suffering. This part of our lives is best left unsaid or if it all shared with very few. There is hesitation and discomfort in sharing our painful struggles. Ever thought about it? The reason to my mind is the fear of making the personal public. The fear of how others will react to it and then that persistently lingering question ‘what will they think of me and my situation?’ But does living in denial help in any way? In fact talking about it takes a great deal of courage and in the long run we benefit ourselves and others too.

I used to belong to the league of people who would keep their problems to themselves until the day I was inspired by someone else’s story of battling problems similar to mine. It gave me tremendous hope and assurance that I too could work around my situation. I realised that difficulties are part and parcel of each individual’s life and sharing them with each other is cathartic and can unknowingly encourage another.  Since then I have been a lot more vocal about my problems and without meaning to sound boastful I have actually inspired a few with my example. At this point I must mention that the intention behind sharing the problem is very important. Doing it with the intention to ridicule another or sympathise with oneself is quite futile. It will result in nothing but meaningless gossip and of course no one stands to gain from it. But done with the intention to seek guidance or help another take a lesson from it, the result is quite unimaginable. And this is what I am talking about.

 If you really think of it then you would come to realise that we all go through challenges every single day. So then why live in denial, pretending all is well when we should ideally be applauding and learning from each other’s struggles. To us our own problem seems the biggest. We cannot look beyond it. But it is only when you open up and talk about it, that you will inevitably realise that there is someone out there who is facing similar circumstances. After all the cause of human suffering or misery lies in a handful of problems – ill health, financial disturbances, troubled relationships, death of a loved one, job stress etc. Each one of us has been plagued by one or more of these at some point in our lives. Each of us has suffered. So then why should we be afraid of sharing our painful journey with each other? Why restrain our conversations to the good happenings of our lives and overlook the other aspect as if it never existed?

I have certainly worked on this trait in my behaviour and I find it much easier to reach out to others now. I have learnt to be more empathetic and respectful, more tolerant and caring. Through guidance from others I have crossed many a hurdle that has come my way. And through encouragement I have imparted hope and courage to others. Do you belong to either side – recipient or giver?

Fountain pen to MS Word

I wonder how many of you who stop by to read this, belong to the generation that used the good old fountain pen. As I settled to write again today, I became reminiscent of the days when we were only allowed to use fountain pens to write (in school that is). And that became the habit by default. This was to ensure good handwriting. Then we slowly graduated to using ball point pens and now we have almost done away with the use of pen and paper. While technology has made life simpler in many ways, I still feel writing was much more personal back then. It was a different feeling penning down thoughts on paper, a more leisurely activity. And I am sure we have all had our favourite pens which we wouldn’t trade for anything under the sun. If I happened to lose mine, it would mean more than just the loss of an object. Pens are not as valuable as they used to be; certainly not the fountain pen.

A lot of children these days wouldn’t even know the wonder that it was. If I had to describe it to them this is how it would be – A slightly fatter version of a pen that you see these days; it had to be fed routinely to keep it going otherwise it would create a fuss in the middle of writing something important; a simple procedure at that – open the outer case and dip the nib of the pen in a pot of ink, the colour of your choice. Press the belly and watch how delightfully it sucks till it is full. (This was the part I enjoyed) Put it back in its case and put on its cap. You are now all set to carry the writing tool around. Be gentle while using it. A jerk could leave ink stains on your hand and clothes.

And then, just for fun I did what most of us would do these days – google – to see what that would throw up, and I was quite amused with the dramatic explanation: A fountain pen is a nib pen that, unlike its predecessor the dip pen, contains an internal reservoir of water-based liquid ink. From the reservoir, the ink is drawn through a feed to the nib and then to the paper via a combination of gravity and capillary action. As a result, the typical fountain pen requires little or no pressure to write. (From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)

How many of you are amused at that. Anyway, getting on with what I was saying, what I miss most about it ‘is the ink filling ceremony’ that was the routine every night when I would arrange my school bag for the next day. These were the simple pleasures in life back then. Technology has left us bereft of some of these. It was the last thing I would do before going to bed; a voluntary task I offered to do for anyone who allowed me to. Also, it often became the excuse for running little errands for my brother. When called to do something I didn’t want to, I would retort by saying that I am being kind enough to fill his pen with ink (without being asked to) and he should be happy with that.

As we entered grade 6, we were allowed to discontinue the use of my favourite pen. I became sad because that meant the end of my ‘ink-filling sessions’. It is always difficult to bid farewell to certain habits and addictions. As time went by, I began to appreciate the ball point pens that became my companion for many, many years (through the rest of school and college days) to come till I reached post graduation.

On our very first day, we were told that all assignments submitted must be typed and no hand written assignments would be accepted. Because of time constraints, and constant pressure of meeting deadlines, it was not possible to write on paper and then type it out. So the first time that I sat with a Microsoft Word document open before me, I just stared back at the blank document for a very long time. The screen staring back at me (with the cursor blinking endlessly) was very intimidating to me. Time was short and I had only until the next morning to submit my assignment. I was itching to go back to the comfort of writing on paper. It was an unsettling feeling sitting before the desktop computer. I felt I wasn’t alone. I was being watched over. As if somebody was trying to intrude upon the intricacies within the deep recesses of my mind. Making that start was really difficult. Its similar with people…takes a while to break the ice; someone has to take the initiative. In this case of course I had to and gradually with time it became easier. My personal equation changed - It began to feel like sharing my thoughts with a friend who would be kind enough to check for spelling and grammatical errors as I went along. And now it is almost impossible to write without MS Word document. Who can think of going back to pen and paper and the fountain pen is best forgotten. Things have come full circle!

My eventful 18th Birthday!

As I recall the events of my 18^th birthday I can’t help but exclaim “what an ‘eventful’ night it was!” Indeed a night of celebration with close friends but a little different from what you’d imagine; one that I would like to chronicle in here to come back and read many years later. I am sure those who are part of the story haven’t forgotten it and never will. 

Turning ‘18’ is a special feeling.  It is the official entry into the world of adulthood. An important milestone in one’s journey of life for it throws open avenues, to many things hitherto forbidden. But as I stood on the brink of turning 18, I didn’t feel any different from what I felt at 17. Expectations from others were several notches higher though.  I was ready to deal with all of that later but just for that one night I wanted to let myself loose and have a good time.

I must admit that the child in me was extremely excited, anticipating gifts and a night of celebration.  The eve of my 18^th birthday is etched into my memory for reasons you will soon discover. I was in the last year of my boarding school life and had the privilege of celebrating this one with friends. Birthday celebrations in boarding schools are very special. The birthday girl becomes the cynosure of the entire school. She is showered with love and affection from teachers and friends throughout the day. I was secretly looking forward to all that attention and much more.

My dear roommates, Jaya, Padma and Chhavi had been up to something a week prior to my birthday. I knew they were planning something big for it since this would be our last celebration together.  I didn’t try to find out too much so as not to kill my own surprise. I waited patiently for a whole week but as the countdown begun my impatience was mounting high.

10 pm was the official ‘lights out’ time for us.  While most girls and the matron were fast asleep, these 3 girls toiled away to make it a memorable night for me. They had sent me off to another room while they did the preparations in our room (referred to as cubicle as each room could accommodate four girls).  As the watch showed 11:55pm I was almost ready to jump up from my seat. ..12am and still no sign of anyone.  I thought to myself that they must be on their way to fetch me in grand style. Fifteen more minutes gone and I was at my wits end. I was worried, sensing something had gone wrong. As I made my way towards the cubicle, I heard a few shrieks. I hastened my step and flung open the door to find Chhavi with a pillow in hand dousing the few flames that were left. Padma was shouting back ‘Don’t do it with a pillow, it might become worse’.  All three of them were panicking. I was in a state of shock. When they saw me, they tried to hide their fears.  

I asked ‘What happened?’

Padma: ‘Oh, Nothing. Just one of my pranks that made them angry (trying to look cool while worry was writ all over her face).’  Of course I didn’t buy that and pleaded for them to tell me the truth.

They exchanged glances, looked at their watch and exclaimed that it was past 12. All 3 of them gave me a hug and began singing…Happy Birthday to you….Happy Birthday to you (pitch of their voices rising) cut short by Chhavi: ‘Shhhh….softly. Don’t make such a ruckus. Matron uth jayegi and then we have had it. If she finds out about the F F Fire….Padma jumped from the other end to cover her mouth. But the cat was out of the bag by now.

Fire? Did I hear fire? Oh my God….what happened?  Are you all okay? What have u guys been up to? Someone please tell me. I was panicking myself by now.

Padma and Jaya (together): Nothing. Nothing. Don’t worry. It is all over and fine now.

I could see water spilled on my desk. Some of the decoration stuff burnt out and of course the worried expression on all their faces. I turned to Chhavi. I knew it would be easier to get the story out of her. She relented after a few pleadings and narrated what happened – they had decorated the room with balloons, streamers, hand made charts with birthday greetings, shimmer and glitter and the gifts spread around. As it approached midnight, they switched off the lights, lit the candle and one of them pulled out a bottle of foam. The idea was to spray it on me when I entered the room. But they decided to test it before and as they pressed the nozzle of the bottle the foam that wheezed out instantly rose up in a huge flame. (It was inflammable material which they found out only once the damage was done.) They were petrified, ran helter skelter and grabbed whatever came in their hands. Jaya - the bottle of water, Chhavi - the pillow and Padma climbed the bed instructing both of them what to do. Thankfully Jaya’s presence of mind helped as she threw water and the flames were doused before it could spread.

I sobbed as I heard their story and was grateful that they were all safe. We all huddled, hugged each other, cried a little and then Padma said ‘Come on guys, lets cheer up…after all it is Shruti’s 18^th birthday…and we will never forget this one, right?’  We laughed at that, hugged some more, gossipped some more and finally decided to get some sleep as the clock struck 2am. Thankfully for us, the rest of the school was oblivious to all the drama that had unfolded in our room.

I was unable to sleep for a long time after that. Shaken from all that had transpired, I was tossing and turning in bed. A day later we were all going home for Diwali break so I started focusing my thoughts on that. Half-packed luggage was strewn all over our room.  As I settled with these thoughts, I felt something skimp by. Must be my imagination I thought.  It happened again. No chance of a mistake I told myself. There is definitely some rodent scampering around in the room. I called out to Jaya. Thankfully she wasn’t asleep and reconfirmed that she felt something on her hands too. What could it be I asked her. ‘I think it’s a rat’. I freaked out. Rat, are you sure? How can it be? We don’t have rats in our room. Oh my God, our suitcases are open. If it gets in then we’ve had it…. Jaya do something I called out in desperation. Wake up Padma and ask her to switch on the lights. (Since she was closer to the switch board)

“Padma, wake up, there is a rat in our room.” I thought she would wake up with a start on hearing that. Far from it she responded in a state of semi-consciousness – “I know there is a rat, I put it in the dustbin and left it outside our room.” Jaya and I laughed uncontrollably at that remark. 

Regaining composure we decided to head to the switchboard ourselves. We were worried about stamping on the two miscreants on our way in the pitch darkness. When I switched on the light, we found that there was not one or two but more than a dozen rats running helter skelter. Jaya and I jumped back on the bed and began screaming our lungs out. That finally jolted Padma and Chhavi out of their slumber and they joined the chorus of screaming girls. We managed to raise an alarm and half the school came to our rescue followed by the matron. She asked with utmost concern and when we gave out the reason she remarked – “Silly girls. You raised such an alarm, I thought fire broke out.” We looked at each other and smiled, suppressing the urge to laugh out loud. She continued “These are only rats, they won’t possibly kill you. Go sleep in another room.” It was well past 4am before all this drama ended. We had only one more hour to sleep before we would have to get up and get along with our day. We didn’t sleep. None of us could, having been through such an eventful night. The time was spent in discussing where the rats came from. We did have a few edible items in our room like dry fruits, milk powder, coffee, tang etc but never before had there been a hint of a mouse.  As we tried fitting in various permutations and combinations, Padma passed the final verdict. “Remember guys, today is Shruti’s birthday and they came to wish her that, add to the drama of the night and make this one of her most memorable birthdays! And indeed it has been that way.

Note: Since school, Padma, Jaya, Chhavi and I have moved to different parts of the country. Many times in our conversation over phone we have recalled the events of that night and have had a good laugh over it. For those of you who read this story it might seem made up but for ‘us’ this is our little secret which is the truth and nothing but the truth.

Fighting Terrorism

It is a week since the 13/7/11 Mumbai blast. My heart goes out to all those affected by it and sadly this is what has come of it a week later - Reports carrying information on it have dwindled away from the front pages of newspapers. News channels have other matters to cover now. They are not to blame, we’ve all moved on since then. Very soon it will fade away from our memory, except for those who have lost a dear one. Very soon it will be just another date that we will remember, make some fuss over and then forget. But does it all end here - Is this just about the blasts in Mumbai or some other part of India?  Can I/you or should I/you remain indifferent if a blast was to occur across the border or in some other part of the world? At the end of the day it is innocent people who lose their lives irrespective of where the blast occurs. Don’t we as humans need to focus on this larger question threatening our very existence from time to time? More than the ‘where’ we should be worried about the ‘why’.

A victim of the 26/11/08 Mumbai blast said something very important to me once. Something I have not been able to forget - that if just a handful of terrorists can create so much havoc, then how much can be achieved by the solidarity of common people working together to create peace.  Even as we are faced with similar circumstances four years later, the question returns to haunt my mind. I have an unsettling feeling within – these people we call ‘terrorists’ are from amongst us. They are not supernatural beings bestowed with some extra power. They are flesh and blood like us - two eyes, a nose, lips; a pair of ears, two hands and two legs is what comprises their physical being also. There could be one sitting amongst us and we wouldn’t even know.  So where is the difference between ‘them’ and ‘us’? The difference lies solely in the state of mind.  ‘Terrorism’ therefore is a state of mind. And our fight is against ‘this state of mind’ that can exist in a person irrespective of his caste, creed, religion or colour. To come to think of it, every being is a potential terrorist. The reverse is also true. Every terrorist is human and the potential for change cannot be ruled out.

Nobody is born a terrorist. It will be more agreeable to say that some people have a greater leaning towards that state of mind. When people undergo training to become a terrorist, I presume it is more than just the training with arms and ammunitions. It includes, in fact starts with the mental training, brainwashing  where the person is made to feel a victim at the hands of society; where an entirely erroneous belief system is ‘fed’ into the person’s mind and once he/she falls prey to it then that person can justify his/her act of killing another being. Then it becomes not a heinous sin but a matter of pride; of carrying out the will of God.

If we have to put an end to terrorism, we will have to begin work backwards – ‘unfeed’  the erroneous beliefs and embed the correct one – love for humanity and greater tolerance towards one another. That, to my mind is the only plausible solution. We could hound the terrorist/s who did a 13/7 and shoot them all but that is not the end. There are several others in the making. The need of the hour is greater solidarity amongst us – the ordinary people belonging to the family called ‘human race’. We need to look beyond our identities as ‘Mumbaikar/Indian’ or ‘Hindu/Muslim’ and broaden our outlook to that of a ‘Global citizen’. We need to reach out to each other. Extend a helping hand to those who are suffering. Pass on the baton of peace and love from one to another. And when we are able to do this, we wouldn’t be worrying about issues like ‘terrorism’ any longer.

Wireless Communication

Just the other day, sitting within the comfort of my home, I had a video conversation with my family in Delhi. I was particularly happy to see my nieces as I spoke to them. My younger niece (four years old) asked me very innocently ‘Bua, do you also have this?’ At that her mother prompted her from behind – ‘What this’, ‘Say the name of what you have in your hand’. To which she said ‘I don’t know mamma’. Her mother explained that she was holding an Ipad. I was amused while I watched all of this. She again repeated the question to me, this time more enlightened (gleeful expression)– ‘Bua do you also have an Ipad?’.  To which I said ‘No, mine is an Ipod touch.’ I could see the confused expression on her face. And then the question came up – ‘Now what is that?’…..ummmm….I paused for a moment wondering how to explain it to her and thankfully that is when my Ipod indicated low battery and turned itself off. I was relieved I didn’t have to answer that one.

But for a long time after that, I kept thinking about the progress we’ve made with technology. We had used the ‘Facetime’ application on our respective devices to conduct the video conversation. Since this was our first attempt, it took us a few minutes to figure out but once we managed that then it was as simple as punching in our email ids and getting connected. And of course for free. I know if I get into the science behind it then it is really the transmission of waves, invisible to the eye. But for someone who doesn’t want to get into all of that, it is still a source of amazement for me. Haven’t you ever expressed wonder at the whole mechanism? No amount of scientific explanation can take away this feeling for me.  

My mind wandered and led me to thoughts and ideas much deeper. ‘Thoughts’ did I say?  And that is where I stopped and thought for a long time. What are thoughts? What is the genesis of a thought in my mind? Simply, it is energy I think. I can’t see it, feel it and yet it still exists. But how do different people conjure up different thoughts to the same situation? This means variation in energy. Thoughts lead to certain emotions and feelings. ‘Emotions’-  what are they?;  Energy as well? How do I ‘feel’ a certain kind of feeling? I was totally lost and confused in the web of my thoughts by now.  I tried to brush these thoughts aside and focus on something else but I couldn’t. One question after another sprung in my head with great speed - What about prayers? How are they communicated to the universe? I have experienced the fulfilment of certain wishes. Aren’t they some kind of energy as well?  And then I came across a beautiful and satisfactory explanation by Dr. Daisaku Ikeda,  “Invisible radio waves travel vast distances through space, reaching Mars and Venus. In the same way, our inner determination, which is unobservable to common mortals, activates the forces in the Universe-the heavenly deities and the Budhhas throughout the ten directions-and appears as solid actual proof”.

That gave me a clearer perspective and  I came to a conclusion – in today’s age where we’ve made wireless communication possible, we’ve only gone back to what originally always existed and will exist for eternity – Wireless communication between our heart and the universe - Difficult to believe? Go back to where I started and hopefully you will be convinced.

Before it is too late

Everything happens for a reason. Haven’t you said this to yourself from time to time and haven’t others said this to you too, though mostly in consolation? I am a great believer in the theory of karma – the simple law of cause and effect. While the theory of karma is not new and finds its mention in the Hindu philosophy also, my understanding and belief grew only once I started following Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism. If nothing happens by chance, then it logically follows that there has to be a reason behind the fact that I embraced this life transforming philosophy. I am not referring to the justifications and explanations that I can give for turning to this practice (I have shared those in my first two blogs); I am hinting at something bigger – that this was a predetermined move in my life and things fell in place when the time was right.

An interesting conversation with someone the other day about philosophy, religion and life reinforced this idea. Towards the end of our conversation, he said that certain unfavourable incidents in his childhood made him turn towards spirituality/religion. He found his answers and peace in reading and following the Bhagwad Gita. I chose a different route but under similar circumstances. And both of us agreed that this was our calling, destined and meant to be; that there is a time when matters of faith take on a greater and more significant role in our life. I am glad that this realisation came very early to me.

People in my life have reacted differently to this. Some are indifferent. Most have raised questions though no objections - why I have taken recourse to faith so early in life; that I should save it for my last years. And some are happy that I am not on a wrong path. In response to all these responses, I have a question - What is the purpose of religion/spirituality? Again the answers will be different for each one of us but the fundamental truth if I may say so – The purpose of religion is to create happiness and peace in our lives. It is to empower us and help us lead more fulfilling lives. To be better human beings – the proof of which should reflect in the different roles we play as child, student, spouse, parent, employee, employer etc. Faith is to be applied in daily life so that we can create value on a daily basis. I hope most of you are in agreement with me on this.

So if that is the case, I wonder what purpose it would serve if we decided to take it up at the fag end of our life? By then we would have lost the valuable years of life when we could have made a difference to ourselves and others. I know a lot of people will argue that there is no time for considering these things in the present, in the midst of our hectic schedules and lifestyles. To which I’d say then the need is even greater to pause and self reflect. What is the point of having rushed through life, not savoured the simpler pleasures and joy that it offers. What’s the point of turning back and looking at a life spent with regret?

Speaking from my experience, I am glad that I took up faith early in life, for it has become the solid foundation to help me lead a happy life. I am a tad wiser, happier and less fearful than what I was before. So, those of you who have postponed it as a plan for the later years of your life might want to rethink it. Life is a beautiful journey - Each day should be soaked in happiness and peace, with a few challenges thrown every now and then, so that we don’t become complacent. Stop. Think. If it is otherwise then take heed before it is too late.

Home away from home

Since I’ve said upfront that this blog is about choices that I’ve made, and some that were made for me and how they’ve shaped up my life….I thought I’d share a slice of my life that wasn’t my choice but I am glad that this choice was made for me – My father’s decision to pack me off to a boarding school. Thanks to this experience I have a great many stories in my kitty today. Stories that will make you laugh, cry and gasp in amazement with a tinge of fear.

These are feelings in hindsight but what it meant to me then is a different matter. I wasn’t the first in my family to be sent to a boarding school. My cousin, a year older was the first brave heart. So the buzz and fuss around boarding schools was the subject of regular family discussion. On one such evening I barged into the room when my grandfather, uncles and my father were at it. The colour of their complexion turned pale as they saw me. I was able to discern that they were talking about me. I hurriedly came out of the room and plonked myself in my favourite spot (under the study table)and began thinking – they were talking about boarding schools…so how come I featured in their conversation?; they couldn’t be thinking of sending me to a boarding school…no no that’s not possible. Boarding schools are meant for unruly and undisciplined children. (Or so I thought then) I was far from it; basically the exactly opposite – demure, obedient, disciplined, soft spoken and the studious types. With these virtues I did not need to go to a boarding school. I made this conclusion to myself and cast aside my fears. Quickly the matter faded from my memory and I was happy but not for too long.

One day the suspense ended and my father broke this news to me. Actually that’s a mild way of putting it. It wasn’t short of hurling a bomb at me. I was stunned, shocked and inconsolable. Try breaking this news to a twelve year old and you are bound to get that reaction in most cases. He added that he had carefully thought this over, it wasn’t a hurried decision. Also that he could give to me in writing that I would be grateful to him for this many years later. He promised that this would be the golden period in my life. All of this made no sense to me then. I laughed (and cried) it away. But as things have turned out every word he said has come true. The six years of boarding school life has indeed been a memorable one for me. And this write up is with the intention to convey my gratitude to my father for having taken this decision.

So to continue with my story - I revolted, was miserable and no matter what consolation anyone offered I was not ready to lap it up. I put my foot down, argued to find enough reasons to be sent to a boarding school. When that did not work I pleaded, made promises – that I would study harder, come first in class and a whole dozen of other promises (which I don’t remember now). But no matter what I did my father’s decision stood irrevocable, much to my grief. I was angry and hurt. But what I did not understand then is what I know now – that his decision stemmed solely from his concern and love for me; from the worries and anxieties of a single parent. Honestly, I never really felt my mother’s absence to a great extent in my early stages. My father fulfilled both roles so wonderfully that today I can fall back on memories of a happy childhood.

My father tried consoling me. I told him that I loved him too deeply to live away from him. He reassured me that he did the same. I wasn’t convinced. I thought this was his way of punishment. Far from it, this was his compassion towards me. He foresaw what I could not see - When I came home from school there was no one except the maid to tend to my needs. This is a small example. There were many such incidents. It pained him greatly to see this and boarding school was the solution. He envisioned a happy life for me, a new place I could call ‘home’ where I would be surrounded by friends and teachers all day long. This is what he desired for me; even at the cost of trading it with more loneliness for himself.

My new home was to be tucked away in the hills - Mussoorie. All arrangements were made and my father and I left for our destination which my grandfather described as the ‘heavenly abode’. He was excited that his granddaughter would be studying in such a beautiful and serene atmosphere. I on my part still nurtured the hope that I would be able to convince my father on our way and come back home with him.

We reached Dehradun and spent the night there. I sobbed and sobbed, full of worries and anxieties. My father grew worried. For the first time in many days he said to me – “Let’s go and see the school tomorrow morning. If you do not like it then I will not force you.” These words revived my hope and the rest of the night passed off peacefully.

The next morning, an hour and a half journey along winding roads from Dehradun took us to Mussoorie.  It was indeed the ‘heavenly abode’. The freshness in the air, cool breeze and the clouds floating past made me smile after a long time. We straightaway headed to school once we reached Mussoorie. At the entrance, huge iron gates (about 12 feet high) flung open on both sides and the car chugged along with great difficulty to climb the steep slope ahead before we reached the landing area. We entered the reception area. The first impression was good.

Formalities were quickly completed and I was taken to a different room for my entrance test. I finished the test in half the stipulated time. My father was surprised at that and worried that I must have deliberately not written my papers well. I reassured him that I would not do such a thing. The next hour or so was spent doing a reconnaissance of the school. By the time we finished with it the results were out and I had been selected. My father was happy and turned to look at me.

He said now the final decision is yours. With head lowered and teary eyed I said to him that I will stay back. Till date I do not know what changed my decision in the affirmative. Probably it was just meant to be. My father reconfirmed – “Are you sure”. To which I said that I liked the campus and wanted to stay back. And then that was it. I hugged my father one last time. I could see the tears welling up in his eyes but he turned before I could see them drop. He bid me a goodbye and walked on. I looked after him for a long time till he was gone. Someone came along and pulled me as I walked with heavy steps – scared, nervous, excited and lonely. And thus began my journey in a new ‘home’ far far away from home.

A Heart that grows to love

My first Buddhist meeting in the realm of the warm Soka atmosphere sealed my heart of faith forever. It was a unique model of human harmony. I sensed genuine warmth and heartfelt compassion in the hearts of those gathered that day. I knew, I wanted to be part of this. Something churned within and I felt the sun of hope rising in my heart. When the sun shines, darkness is dispelled. Likewise, Faith became the invigorating, guiding life force to dispel darkness in my life. I took to it like fish takes to water.

This was a simple philosophy of humanism – the crux of it lying in the concept of ‘human revolution’ or self-transformation which begins from respecting each individual for who and what they are. Now this is easier said than done. But this is like returning to the basics. Thus began my inner journey, certainly an uphill task – respecting someone I had come to despise. It was (and still is) a daily struggle battling my inner negativities. But this is what it is about – defeating the demon within.

With time and practice this became a lot simpler to the point where my hatred gradually melted and turned to compassion. I could forgive and move on – it felt as if a huge burden had lifted off my heart. For the first time I felt an awakening to my ‘higher self’ breaking the shackles of my limited, self centred, egoistic ‘lower self’. It was a joyful feeling, one that I cannot express in words. The poison of hatred slowly turned to the medicine of love. My heart grew and expanded. It learnt to love more and hate less. Within my heart I could encompass those I had left out earlier. This was the first hurdle that I had crossed.

The next very important lesson that I learnt in my journey of faith, is to take responsibility for everything in my life – the good and the bad. Human beings are complex creatures. We like to take credit for all the good things in life but blame it on someone else for everything that goes wrong. This is a convenient option because then we don’t have to work on ourselves; an escapist route to say the least. This tendency starts at an early stage and then goes unchecked – I did well in my maths test because I studied very hard; I didn’t do well this time because the teacher finished the syllabus in a hurry and didn’t explain well. (Not because I didn’t study hard enough) Sometimes we don’t even own up our mistakes to ourselves. It is not about owning it up to others.

I was blaming my unhappiness on someone else and of course taking credit for everything that was going well (my education and career). Faith gave me a clearer perspective. I self-reflected and realised that I had to take up responsibility for everything that I was facing. This realisation brought with it a great sense of empowerment. Now I didn’t have to be at the mercy of external Gods. I had to mend myself to mend my situation; Simple formula which is not so easy to apply, but guarantees victory, happiness or whatever you might like to call it in the end. Earlier, I would wallow in self-pity and grief. Now I felt empowered and liberated. The change in my heart never failed to reflect in other people’s behaviour.

This wasn’t a solitary struggle. I had friends who stood by like a pillar of support all along. They were by my side to encourage every time I failed. They renewed my conviction in myself every time I began to doubt my own potential. These people I refer to as ‘friends’ are my fellow members in the organisation (Soka Gakkai: http://www.bharatsokagakkai.org/) they became friends much later. Initially they were complete strangers who would call once in a while, drop by to my place sometimes and offer words of encouragement. They gave me a patient hearing, a pat on the back and guidance from the point of view of faith. They were ordinary people racing against time, juggling between their many responsibilities. They had demanding jobs, families to take care of and their own set of challenges and problems. But they never failed to show up when I needed them. In fact they were there even before I could call them. Their smiling faces reassured me. I was touched by their love, care and concern. I looked forward to being in their company.

In spite of their goodness, I was doubtful of their intentions at first. A whole volley of questions was at the back of my mind - why were these strangers being so nice to me? What did they stand to gain by giving so much of their valuable time to me? Why were they doing this? For themselves? For me? For who? I needed these answers to trust them completely so I asked directly.

And this is what one of my ‘friend’ said: “I am doing this for you and for myself.  For you because I want you to be happy; for myself, because making you happy, brings back happiness in my life. “I don’t think I could fathom what she said at that point. I didn’t have the heart to grasp its full meaning. I was just impressed by the high sounding words. It sounded cool. As I became regular with the meetings, my understanding of the faith deepened.   Slowly I found myself changing. I had come out of my shell. My interaction with so many people opened up my heart. Now I could look beyond my personal problems which seemed to overpower me till now. I wanted to extend a helping hand to those suffering around. I did that. The few words of encouragement that I offered a friend helped her turn around her life. And it brought back immeasurable joy in my life. I felt on top of the world and extremely happy. Happiness of the kind I had never experienced before; Happiness that came when my heart grew to love more and hate less.