Leap of Faith

I decided to venture into Blog writing just to keep my creative juices flowing; having said that the next question running through my mind was what on earth was I going to write about. I need to start somewhere, take the first step and then gradually it would become easier, I reassured myself. I thought hard and long enough trying to draw inspiration from things around:  nature to start with, my family and a whole lot of other things with no luck.

Then I paused and went into flashback mode reliving thoughts of my memorable childhood to adolescence and then the last decade of my life (20’s-30’s) which has particularly been very eventful. And the longer I thought about it I realised that events that happened over the past 10 years in my life have had a major influence on me. All of that put together has really shaped me into the person that I am today. We are all a product of our own unique experiences. I looked within and pulled out a few incidents that will hopefully inspire those who read it. For starters I learnt that sometimes you can be your own inspiration. If you expect to hear extraordinary stories of heroic feats achieved by me or of medals won and accolades gathered then you will be disappointed because (that hasn’t really happened) what follows is the ordinary story of an ordinary girl who has suffered a little, laughed a lot and learnt some important lessons in life through the journey of faith.

I have been fortunate enough to form my own opinion and viewpoint related to matters of faith. I say this because a lot of people don’t get that liberty. Thankfully I wasn’t pushed into following anything that I desired not to. In fact a lot of decisions in my life have been made out of choice and not by force. One of the important decisions I made was my choice of faith which would help me lead a happy and fulfilling life.

The clearest memory I have of myself turning to prayer was when I had gone for a school trip to Shillong in Grade 4. I was on my own for the first time, away from home with a bunch of about 40 girls from school most of whom I didn’t know. After a great trip we were on our way back to Bagdogra from where we would take the evening flight back home. The bus came to a hault as there was a major landslide (with possibility of recurrence) which had blocked the roads and would take a few hours to clear. I was nervous and scared and tried to fight back tears that welled up. All sorts of thoughts mostly negative raced through my mind the greatest one being what if I never reached home safely. There was little I could do except  pray for the path to clear and for us to reach the airport in time. In desperation I pulled out my Hanuman Chalisa and frantically started reciting the verses in my mind till we made it to the airport. And with sheer luck we were just in time to catch our flight back home. At that point I turned to prayer when faced with the fear of death and anxiety of not being able to see my loved ones ever again. That incident did not make me overly religious and diligent in my prayer however. I still turned to God only when I was scared or needed something.

And then a few years down the line I decided to create some space in my room and set up a prayer area. I placed a few framed photographs of my favourite Gods  - Lord Ganesh, Hanuman and Shiva I think it was. Every morning I would make a paste of vermilion and apply it to them, decorate with flowers, light an incense stick and then the final arti followed by distribution of prasaad. I think I enjoyed this whole ritualistic procedure but it didn’t help change my equation with God. This didn’t last for too long either. I was off to a boarding school. Priorities changed, pressure of academics gave me an excuse and faith took a backseat in my life. Life was smooth sailing. Everything under the sun was bright and cheerful for me. I got everything I wanted without asking for it and therefore I hardly ever offered prayers for a long time (not even in gratitude). In any case up until then Faith and prayer was self centred and need based and I would indulge myself only if I felt like it.

The turn of the millennium saw a great many turns in my life too. To start with I moved to Delhi, a city I prayed I would never have to live in. But as things turned out that was where I spent the next seven years of my life. In hindsight those were the crucial years of my life. Straight out of school which was like a dreamland I found myself surrounded by challenges I had never faced before; the challenge of adjusting to a new city, a new way of life. And then the biggest one thrown at me – overcoming human suffering and all the complexities involved. Till then I had not known what it means to be in conflict with another person. Relationships of all sorts I had formed till then had no elements of negativity. And now I was confronted with a relationship which became the cause of grief and suffering in my life. It was a huge reality check for me. For the first time I realised that life is not a leaf out of a fairy tale. Sooner or later we have to face the onslaughts of karma. (which in my case happened a tad too early and I am glad at that)

And naturally to cope with it I resumed my journey in faith. I started by striking a deal with God and fixing an appointment with him every Tuesday. I would visit the temple and pray for things to sort themselves out. No matter what I did nothing offered me solace and I felt miserable as the days went by. I experienced a whole range of emotions I thought could never exist in me – anger, bitterness and hatred. All of it was directed at one person. Of course I blamed the other person for everything that was happening in my life. But that didn’t help me overcome my own grief. What was going to help me deal with this? Groping in the dark I did see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In a casual chat with a dear cousin of mine who was aware of what I was going through, she introduced the words Nam Myoho Renge Kyo to me. She said chant this aloud and everything will be okay. That is all she said. I stared at her face with disbelief. Quite new to the whole philosophy herself, she did not give out any more details. I did not give it importance and forgot about it. But humbled by my own set of challenges which seemed to never end I decided to give it a shot. If someone is drowning in the ocean and suddenly sees a boat coming towards him or her the first reaction would be to get into it without worrying about where it is heading. My position was just like that.

Thus began my new journey in faith. Chanting of these words had a calming effect on me. As I delved deeper I found that there was a whole new philosophy (that of Nichiren Daishonin Buddhism) for me to discover but I had to take a leap of faith into an unknown territory. I made up my mind and decided to take the plunge. I found the answers I was looking for and the realm of faith opened up before my eyes to nourish and enhance every aspect of my life.